How I Fell Back In Love With My Husband

Kids change you. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worst. Sometimes both.

I really didn’t want kids. But my hubby wanted kids someday. I figured “someday” I would be ready. He wanted two kids, no more and no less. Well a surprise pregnancy made “someday” came quicker than I anticipated. And hubby got his wish of two kids… it was twins!

Six months later our world got turned upside down when our twin boys were born premature; just shy of our 4th year wedding anniversary. While they spent 100 days in the NICU I lived away from home to be near them. We were in survival mode for those days and beyond while we cared for fragile babies. All our focus was on them.

The situation, along with other disasters that took place (when it rains in pours) took its toll on us. We both changed into very different people very quickly. I didn’t know who I was anymore; I didn’t know who he was anymore. I was upset at all the changes I couldn’t control. We had a recipe for disaster. In the midst of it all… I began to fall out of love with my husband.

I was resentful at him for changing and mad at him for not fixing it; there wasn’t a problem from his perspective. It made me angrier that my feelings were not validated. I wanted us to make a plan, agree to changes; but that isn’t how it works, I know that now. I just didn’t know how to fix it. On top of it I felt guilty for the way I was feeling. It seemed so hopeless at the time.

Change is on the horizon-

Just after the boys second birthday my husband and I went on a vacation for 4 days, just the two of us. I really didn’t want to at first; a family vacation is what I had been wanting. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be without the kids for an extended time; also, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be alone with him for that amount of time. What would we talk about? How would we be without the kids as a buffer? But the in-laws offered to watch the kids and you just can’t pass that up! Besides, taking the kids would have just been plain exhausting and it wouldn’t have been much of a vacation. So, the two of us drove to the beach. And the healing began.

I hadn’t gotten a chance to relax in two years. We hadn’t gotten to be a couple in two years. We held hands, we kissed, we embraced… we did a lot of things. A vacation from our life as parents was much needed. I could feel the stress lift and I started to see things clearer. I got to appreciate what I had in front of me and I got to feel appreciated myself.

Over the next few months the healing continued as I embraced the new him, the new me, the new “us.” I was only miserable by insisting he change. I was only miserable to not accept my circumstances and being okay with them. I realized what needed to change was my attitude. Once I realized that… I was able to heal; “we” were able to heal.

When we got back home we made sure to go on monthly date nights to nurture our relationship further. These special nights together have evolved into appreciating “us” every day. I now look forward to alone time with my husband.

Another thing that helped me heal further was getting a project. I started writing right here for Twiniversity. It gave me an outlet to express myself and have something that was “mine” to help me heal as an individual and gain confidence. It surprisingly added an element to my marriage which I didn’t expect. My husband became interested in something I was doing and I had something to add to our conversations instead of just talking about what the boys did that day.

I wanted to share this very personal story to let others know that if you are at the end of your rope, there is hope. Love can be found again. You found it once, and you can find it again. Then when the next big storm hits, you know you can weather it together.

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We have another giveaway from Babeland. Today we have a Body Kit to help you connect with your partner by setting the mood with massage oils, candles and more. Check it out here. Enter below for you chance to win. We will pick two winners for this prize.

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10 Tips to Help Your Marriage Thrive

Having marriage troubles? You’re not alone.

If you go to our forums on Big Tent and type in “marriage” you will find many others who are going though or have gone though a point were their marriage was stressed to the max and even seemed hopeless. MANY couples go though a rough time when kids arrive and change the dynamics of the relationship. But those tests can help strengthen your relationship in the long run.

*We are not therapists and this series of articles are only for moral support.

Below is some great advice from our very own Twiniversity members about how they worked though the hard times. Maybe one of these will help you reconnect with your spouse? Also scroll down for today’s giveaway to help you connect in another way. 😉

1. Prioritize Relationships- “I always tell my children that “mommy & daddy” time is mandatory, it trumps everything else. If my husband and I aren’t good, then the kids don’t stand a chance. Our twins brought our total number of kiddos to 7. There is no way our family would be as strong as it is without making our relationship #1. Talk, text, date, leave letters, flirt, put special gifts or notes in his car at night so that he can find them on his way to work. Be creative but make your relationship #1, dare I say even before the children.”
2. Solitary time- “Yes, it is important to have “us” time, but also important to have “me” time so you don’t loose yourself which can cause resentment that adds to marital discord. Try to do something for yourself to recharged your battery. When I’m refreshed I start to feel sexy again and that helps me connect with my husband in ways he needs.”
3. Movie Night– “Kids don’t reinforce a relationship, they test its absolute limits (and sometimes beyond). To repair a relationship my advice is this, and although you both wont feel like it at all, have a weekly date. For us its Saturday night, we go out on the early side and go see a movie first (very important) and go to dinner after. The movie will allow you to disconnect and forget all the heart hake for a moment and at dinner, if you have nothing to say, you will at least he the movie to talk about. Try it, your twins are worth it, so is he and so are you. Remember, every Saturday, movie 1st.”
4. Be Committed- “Be committed to working it out together regardless of what stands in the way. Learn the art of compromise, priorities, and embracing each other’s faults.”
5. Remember to Laugh- “Remember to laugh and have fun in every moment available. Don’t take yourselves to serious!! Oh and make time for sex and make it fun!”
6. Projects Together- “Doing projects together and working together as a team, even if only one person is doing a project, the other stays involved as company while accomplishing it.”
7. Projects for Just You- “Especially if you are the one who stays home with the children this is a must to have something that is just yours! I remember resenting that my husband got to go to work and have a break from the kids and have adult interaction. A project could be learning how to sew, starting a small business like selling home made knit hats, Yoga, anything. Helping yourself feel like an individual will help you not resent your partner.”
8. Mini Vacation- “Every year for our anniversary we go away for 1-3 nights. That really helps.”
9. Reevaluate Yourself- “You may not know it, but you may be too controlling in raising the twins “your” way which may leave your husband feeling like he can’t do his part for fear he will disappoint you. I know I suffered from that – “martyr mom syndrome”, often to my own detriment. Sometimes you have to let go and just smile when the diaper is put on backwards or soap was used before the shampoo. Walk away and go and do something constructive instead of hovering like a helicopter wife! Trust me, a man will never do it like you can, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
10. Fake It- “Fake it till you make it! I don’t mean just let him have his way, but try to act interested and then you will become interested. Constantly turning your husband down to be intimate because you are to tired or your not in the mood can become a habit. Give him a chance to turn you on. I know that as a mom of young twins I feel like everyone constantly wants something of me, and most nights the last thing I want after the kids go to bed is him wanting something from me too. But when I allow “it” to happen, I usually am glad I did. And eventually I started wanting “it” myself.”

JimmyJane Vibrator

What is your top tip for making a marriage work?

Would a little spice in the bedroom help you reconnect? Today we are giving away 2 JimmyJane Form 3 Vibrators from Babeland to add some spice to your love life. Fill out the form below to enter to win one. Surprise your husband with wanting to fool around or surprise your wife with wanting to help her reach her peak.

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