Letter to Mothers of Baby Twins

Dear Mom of young twins,

I am a mother of four. My twins are my oldest and are now almost eight years old. It seems like a long time ago that they were babies, but not so long ago that I have forgotten. On this Mother’s Day, I’m remembering when my babies were young and I thought I could share a few things I learned.

Twins create public spectacles. You’ve already heard “You have your hands full.” In fact, you might have even heard this at the hospital. Since you will continue to hear this comment every time you leave the house, it is best to prepare your response now. My favorite is “If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.”

Twins are lucky in the long-run, but you may not feel like that at first. It is normal to feel guilty when both of your babies are crying and you have to choose which one to comfort first. Sometimes you will cry right along with them, because your mother’s heart will ache for the baby left crying in her crib. In those moments, remember: whatever comfort your baby is denied those early months will be more than compensated by the comfort of growing up with a built-in best friend.

Twins are more work, even more than double the work of a single baby. You are exhausted for good reason. Taking care of two babies is mentally and physically draining. Amongst all the difficult times are moments of complete cuteness overload, where your heart is bursting. Hold onto these and seek them out around every corner. You will find them amidst the long sleepless nights and the long sleepless days. “The days are long, but the years are short.” There were and are lots of long days, but the years seem to have passed in a blink.

Twins don’t need to learn to share toys when they are babies. Picture all of those babies playing with their toys and not a single person expecting a baby so young to share, your twins deserve that too. If they have a favorite toy, it is more than acceptable to get two of them. You are not spoiling them – they will have lots of opportunities to learn to share! The same goes for things like bouncers and swings: you have two babies, there will be lots of times you will want them both comforted by a swing! Never feel guilty for doing things the easier way if it isn’t hurting anyone.

Mary's Twins back in the day

Twins make big moments double the fun. My favorite baby twin milestones: 6 months (a routine was well underway and I felt human again – I suggest a mini-party to celebrate), sitting up and crawling (they were so much easier to entertain during playtime), hugging each other, first birthday (we all made it), and walking (I didn’t have to carry them from room to room).

One of the most important pieces of advice I can give is this: When people offer you help, accept.

Happy thoughts of sleep-filled nights to you!

Mary Johanson

-Mary Johanson is a mother of four, Professional Organizer, and Blogger. She shares organizing and homemaking tips and tricks on her blog, Mary Organizes. You can also follow her on Facebook.

What I’m Really Thinking… Confession of a Parent of Multiples

Written by: Danielle Routon

I always say that parenthood is 51% awesome and 49% hell. But describing why the 2% difference is so worth it is really hard. There’s a scene in “The Backup Plan” with Jennifer Lopez that I love. Not her best work, but you know anything with twins I am all over it. So a dad in the park is trying to explain to the soon-to-be dad of J.Lo’s twins that parenthood is a bunch of awful things with a few amazing things sprinkled in. “It’s awful, awful, awful and then something amazing happens. Then awful, awful, awful.” I have never heard a truer statement in my life! So while we are trying to convince our friends, sisters and brothers that kids are what make our lives worth living, these are the things we do NOT tell them. The things that we think, that keep our feet on the ground.

• I always compare them even though I know I shouldn’t
• If one doesn’t finish the bottle, we let the other have it. Tossing breast milk is a sin.
• If there’s a quiet moment there’s nothing more exciting than sleep.
• I carry mine up and down the stairs in a laundry basket so I don’t have to make two trips.
• Sometimes I let them play in their crib for an extra 5 minutes so I can sleep a little longer.
• We play the ‘whoever cries loudest gets picked up first’ game. The same kid always wins.
• I would rather spoon my kids than my partner.
• The thing that hurt the worst during my twin pregnancy was trading in our paid off car for a minivan because there wasn’t enough room.
• I haven’t shaved in four weeks. I’m actually pissed it’s almost summer and shaving is all but mandatory.
• I wish I didn’t have to drive a minivan.
• Most days I am 90% sure I ruined my 5 year olds life.
• Only the strong survive.
• I have fed both on the changing table in the middle of the night next to poop diapers.
• I have told my babysitter that unless the diaper can be wrung out, do not change it. Diapers are expensive.
• Things I’d rather do than sex: sleep, eat chocolate, pedicure, play on my iPhone, do laundry, go grocery shopping, blink…
• What’s sex?
• I’d take 10 minutes to myself with coffee spiked with Kahlua, I don’t remember sex…
• I’d rather eat a bug than have sex (lol).
• Each night at bedtime we pick a kid and that kid is yours for the whole night. If my kid was good I would point and laugh and say “Should’ve picked a better kid”!
• I secretly cherished the little ones time in the NICU because it gave me amazing one on one with his sister in my room, and uninterrupted time with him in the NICU.
• You really wish the Pediatrician would say it’s an ear infection because if this is how this kid acts when she ISN’T sick, holy hell!
• You never, ever feel present enough. Or happy enough. Or attentive enough. Or fair enough. Or clean enough.
• You analyze everything they do and relate it back to “The mom whose kids _________”.
• You never feel like you’re doing it right. But if they’re alive, you know you’re doing it right.

 

I like to describe having twins like a marathon. It’s hard. It’s hell at times. But the reward and the sense of accomplishment are indescribable. Being a parent of multiples allows you several things: to laugh (mostly to yourself) at parents with only one child, to be completely cynical about parenthood while secretly savoring the tender moments that may be few and far between, and most importantly, to not only have the biggest badge of honor in your heart for what you accomplish every day, but to have it kiss you goodnight. Our kids ROCK!! Parents of multiples are selfless, patient and all around awesome! But let’s keep the negative comments to ourselves. We make this look easy right?!?!