Q&A With Single Mom/Miss Connecticut

Today we have a Q&A with Ashlie Ruggiero. Ashlie is a single mom to 3 year old boy/girl twins. Ashie continued to get her education while raising them as a single mother with the aid of her loving family. She was recently crowned Ms. Connecticut in the U.S. of America Pageant as well as New England’s Outstanding Mom. Let’s get to know her.

• How did you feel when you first realized you would be raising your twins as a single parent?

It was very difficult for me to make the decision to raise them as a single mother. I had always had this perception of the perfect family being a mother, father, and children, and I did not want to raise my children out of that vision. But throughout my pregnancy my relationship with my fiancé, their father, deteriorated. I first had to realize that my children would never be happy if  I was not happy. By the time my twins were 4 months old I made the decision to stand up for my family. Although I was brave enough to do so, I was scared of how I could cope and if I could ever give my children all that they deserved. Once the initial shock of what I had done wore off, I realized I had one less “child” to take care of.  I had always done everything on my own even when their father was around (baths, feedings, changing, etc) so it wasn’t anything out of my norm other than a lack of arguments over why I was doing everything alone.

• What sacrifices have you had to make being a single parent?

Transitioning to Single Parenting

Contributed by Donna Lyons. Single mother to 19 year old twin daughter a 15 year old son.

Most people—at least the ones I have met in the past 50 years of my life—don’t get married and have children with the assumption that they will one day be divorced or widowed from their spouse and a single parent to their children. Most of us expect the happily-ever-after we learned about in our childhood fairy tales and movies.  So, what happens when that “happily-ever-after” falls apart and you find yourself in a new situation—one that involves a divorce or a death, and leaves you a single parent? How do you cope? What do you tell the children? How do you move forward and start anew?

For me, the transition to single parenting happened almost 22-years into my marriage. My twin daughters were 17 and my singleton son was 13. While there had been marital differences and counseling off-and-on over the years, I never thought my marriage would end in divorce. I also never thought my ex-husband, who was an incredible father to our three children, would ever choose to leave his children. But that is exactly what happened.

~Coping~

Everyone has different coping mechanisms for dealing with sudden and dramatic changes in their lives. According to licensed counselor William DeFoore, Ph.D, there are seven stages of grief associated with a divorce: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance. People will experience these stages differently and likewise, will work through them differently than others.

For me, the initial shock was intense. My ex-husband and I had had communication issues throughout our marriage, and were in counseling at the time of our separation. However, the “D” word had never been uttered. We were, after all, a Christian couple and I always assumed we’d work through our problems and come out happy on the other end. The initial shock of the separation and my ex-husband’s decision to file for divorce left me feeling numb and dazed.