Written By: Karen Bond

Matching cribs and nursery decor, matching car seats, highchairs and other baby gear… no one thinks twice about expectant parents of twins indulging in identical (or near identical) items because that is, of course, one of the perks of having multiples!  Yet when it comes to matching names, people’s eyes blink and their mouths open as they offer their often unasked-for opinion on the foolishness of bestowing such “shared” names on babies who share a womb and soon a room.

I had both read and heard the opinion that giving twins matching names was silly, uncreative, and downright condemning to the children: They need their own identities; treat them as if they were from two different pregnancies.  Despite my determination to indulge in the perk of having two babies in one pregnancy by choosing matching names, I listened to the naysayers, the opinionated mothers on chat boards and in my mom’s groups.  I regretfully crossed out any names on my list that were not just matching but even began with the same letter for I didn’t want to be viewed as “that twin mom” who couldn’t let her children be unique even from the start.

When my babies were born I spent six long days agonizing over their names.  Even as I made one list after another and had everyone from nurses to doctors to visitors vote on my name choices, my heart kept coming back to matching names.  Yet in my mind I heard the opinions, saw the pitying smiles as I introduced my babies whose names began with the same letter, and I pushed my matching name lists out of my mind.  After much deliberation, I signed the birth certificates, yet I continued to call my babies “little girl” and “little boy” for the names they now possessed were not who they were.  Weeks passed, then months, then a year, and I still found myself whispering to my babies the names I wish I had given them.  Names the critics would have smiled at or openly mocked, yet names that were the right names for my twins who share so many matching things in their life.

To make matters worse, I began hosting a twins group in my home and found myself blinking back tears as one mom after another introduced her babies, every single one of the twin sets with matching names.  I was the only one who had not indulged in that perk of having multiples.

I should have listened to my heart rather than the critics, especially when I consider the fact that most of those voicing an opinion did not themselves have twins.  Yet I did and my son and daughter have names – lovely names – but not the names they should have.  Not the names I whisper to myself even now or find myself writing down in the margin of a piece of paper.

Perhaps one of my children will find themselves expecting twins (or more) someday.  I will be sure to tell them to listen only to the person’s opinion for whom the decision of baby names will mean the most – themselves.  I might, however, just slip in the names I wish I had used and see if they take the bait, lol.