A few weeks ago, I was at my son’s basketball game. Someone came up to me and started a conversation, which eventually led to them asking why his brother hadn’t joined him on the basketball court this season. In frustration, I replied, “He doesn’t like sports,” — perhaps a bit too curtly. I wasn’t frustrated at this person for asking what they thought was a legitimate question. I was frustrated that so many people like them have this same mindset. You see, they are twins, my sons. Not just twins, but identical, mirror image twins. They are not, however, identical people, despite their identical DNA. I think all too often the general public thinks identical equals same.
Ryan and Zach will be 12 in just a few short weeks. And while we are barreling at full speed down the highway of preteen-dom, it becomes more apparent every day that they are, in a lot of ways, complete opposites. They share the same clothes, room, friends, interests, hobbies, and looks (to name a few things). But they also have their own individual personalities and identities, something my husband and I have worked very hard to create in them.
We noticed their talents at early ages. Zach is a great artist and has an uncanny ability to add details that I would never have noticed. Ryan is a decent artist, but has nowhere near the talent Zach does. Ryan is a phenomenal writer, something Zach struggles with. When they were younger, they had an elaborate scheme to write and illustrate children’s books together. Ryan is also more athletic than Zach, and he’s built more athletically, too. Zach has zero ounces of athletic ability in his body. He’s skinny and lanky, like a bean pole. He is more into dance and the arts. Ryan is gifted academically, while Zach struggles and has to work hard.
I would never discourage Zach from wanting to try sports or Ryan from wanting to take an art or dance class. I think it’s very important to encourage them to try whatever it is that they want. We have certainly encouraged their individualities, though. We aren’t afraid to sign them up for different activities, so they can be the individuals they are, without having to worry about being compared to each other. We’ve also gone so far as to request that they be placed in different classes in school and in extracurricular activities. They might both want to take an art class, so we sign them up, but make them take their own class. The same would work for sports, or any activity they wanted to do. The most important thing we can do as parents of twins trying to encourage individuality is to make sure we aren’t forcing them to do things together. It’s easy when they are little because it’s easier on us to do it all at the same time. But we must remember that they aren’t one person, they are two people – two different people. It will be difficult at times to balance competing activities, but in the long run, it will be so worth it!
By Trisha N.
Twiniversity 