Top 10 Ways to Be an Unhappy Mother of Multiples

1. Comparing yourself to other moms, especially parents of singletons- Having twins bring unique challenges that can in no way be compared to having one child at a time. Plus we have a tendency to compare our weaknesses to others’ strengths. We are our own worst critics and we don’t deserve that. We wouldn’t take that attitude from a stranger or even a friend or family member, so why do we take it from ourselves? Well we shouldn’t. Focus on your strengths instead.

2. Spending too much time on the Internet- Reading the Internet and believing every story about how “awesome” other people are at parenting is downright discouraging to our self worth. The stories you read show the highlights of their life. Behind the scenes it’s really as hectic as your life. This includes Internet friends’ photos. See that cute new baby ‘new mom’ has? Well, there was probably a poopy diaper explosion after that shot was taken. But you will never know about it (unless she’s an over sharer!). Beware of “pinners” as well. Now we at Twiniversity love Pintrest, but beware not to compare your life (refer back to #1) with all the crafts that “crafty mom” posts. Believe me, she isn’t going to get around to doing half of those things!

Mother’s Lost Identity

Our twins identities are not the only ones we have to worry about fostering for individuality. What am I talking about? Well I lost my identity twice. Let me explain.

The first time was when I got married. I lost myself in my husband so much that I wanted to spend every single moment available with him. He had to MAKE me go spend time with my girl friends. With many ups and downs, it got better after a few years. But I had to realize that even though we are “one flesh” that we were still two different people and I needed to extend myself beyond “us.” We got happier after that point, but I never really fully recovered.

A month before our fourth year wedding anniversary, I lost myself again. This time it was when the twins arrived…. arrived very early. This meant I had to drop out of my life to be with them while they fought to survive in the NICU. We all finally came home over 3 months later but my very being was wrapped up in caring for them day in and day out. It was necessary I know, but that extended time of forgetting about me took its toll. It comes as no surprise that once things started getting back to “normal,” I was very lost. Every time you add a child to the mix of life, especially two at a time, it is a huge adjustment of learning how to re-balance life. I needed to heal myself again.