Ask Joan… About Getting Some zzz’s

My identical boys are 4 months old and have developed the same sleep problem in the same way, at the same time. Over the course of the night, both sleep about 4 hours, wake, then 3, wake, then 1-2 hours for the rest of the night. Given their age, hourly feeding seems to be a bit much. Both wake to nurse only (no playing), and go right back to sleep. Neither will accept any other comforting (pacifiers, snuggling, etc). I have slept in their room from time to time and there isn’t any external stimuli to startle them. What makes them wake up and why does the sleep length keep shrinking as the night goes on? Can we fix it? Oh, and they nap on schedule during the day, but not for more than an hour. ~ Katie

Dear Katie,

In order to answer your question, I consulted The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins by Dr.Marc Weissbluth. Both authors write extensively about the biological importance of sleep. Pantley explains that a baby’s biological clock begins maturing at about 6-9 weeks and does not work smoothly until 4 -5 months. Dr. Weissbluth asserts that around 12-16 weeks daytime sleep starts to regularize and bedtime is earlier. He finds that around four months of age babies become interested in things that can disturb their sleep.

Each of them underlines the importance of establishing sleep cues along with self-soothing techniques so that the infant becomes accustomed to falling asleep on his own. In response to your question about your twins’ diminishing nighttime sleep and shorter daytime nap schedule, I offer the following explanation based upon these experts’ research. Pantley writes that by six months of age, the average naps per day is two, and the total length of naptime hours are between 3-4 hours. Since naptime sleep has a great impact on nighttime sleep, do everything that you can to get your babies to nap longer during the day. Pantley suggests the following:…..

….To read more suggestion turn to page 26 of the Winter 2013 issue of Multiplicity Magazine. To write a questions to be considered by Dr. Joan e-mail a question to editor@MultiplictyMag.com

Dr. Friedman is a prominent and well-respected twin expert who shares her passionate views and insights with twins and their families throughout the world. The fact that she is an identical twin and the mother of five, including fraternal twins, makes her ideally suited to this task. Her commitment to twin research and her treatment of twins of all ages demonstrate the breadth and depth of her skills and experience. She conducts ongoing groups for parents of twins and provides consultation on twin related matters such as school placement, developmental discrepancies, and behavioral issues.

 

Ask Joan – Twin boys need some space

I have twin toddler (3.5 year old) boys. They are inseparable; they literally share everything (or fight for everything). If one goes somewhere, so does the other. I recently spoke to our curriculum developer at the boys preschool who suggested moving the boys to separate rooms. The boys seem to think that they must play with one another even at times when they clearly do not want to play together. What are your thoughts on allowing preschool aged twins to have their own space? I am noticing they also have some behavior issues and tend to ignore/disregard requests from me and my spouse. Any thoughts on this matter, Joan? ~ Rhonda

Dear Rhonda:

It seems that both you and the preschool professional are recognizing that your sons need some space from each other. Helping twins gradually get accustomed to being separated from their twin is an emotional gift with life-long benefits. At times, the twinship, like many other intimate relationships, can feel intrusive; we all need some alone time (some of us need more than others). The fact that your boys feel compelled to be together, even in the face of conflict and aggressive behavior, suggests that they have not had the opportunity to experience time away from each other. Since your boys are so accustomed to being together, I don’t believe that giving them separate bedrooms at this particular time is the best solution. Rather, I suggest that you and your husband begin to spend time alone with each of your sons.

However, you must be prepared to handle the complaints that will undoubtedly erupt as you begin to incorporate alone time into your family routine. It is best to begin with small increments of time and then gradually lengthen the outings as everyone begins to enjoy the luxury of one-on-one time. For example, begin by taking each boy out on an errand and switch off the next time so that each one has time alone with you and your husband. Be very clear about explaining that this is a new family activity that is going to be fun because each will have mommy/daddy to himself. You will be amazed, pleased, and relieved to experience how well-behaved each boy can be and how lovely it is to appreciate each child’s personality without his brother around. You can arrange as much separate time as your schedules allow, and as the boys can tolerate. When they are comfortable with this new routine, you can also suggest alone time with other family members, as well. Your family must be committed to the idea and follow through with taking turns and making plans in order for alone time to be cherished and effective.

… To continue reading what advice Joan has to offer turn to page 35 in the Fall issue of Multiplicity Magazine.

Dr. Friedman is a prominent and well-respected twin expert who shares her passionate views and insights with twins and their families throughout the world. The fact that she is an identical twin and the mother of five, including fraternal twins, makes her ideally suited to this task. Her commitment to twin research and her treatment of twins of all ages demonstrate the breadth and depth of her skills and experience. She conducts ongoing groups for parents of twins and provides consultation on twin-related matters such as school placement, developmental discrepancies, and behavioral issues.